WeAreFibro.org - The Social Support Network for People Living with Fibromyalgia

What FM has taken/given to me.

Well, let's see...I can still remember being a type A personality, working in management and doing literally 6 jobs at once.  People loved working with me because I would never ask them to do anything that I hadn't done myself, and when there was no one else to do it, I did it.  I was in restaurant management to begin with.  I got my first management job at 19 as a shift leader and then was promoted to assistant manager within a few weeks.  I worked for a company store then and they moved me to Lexington, KY.  It was the first time that I had ever been away from my mom and dad so it didn't last long and they moved me back.  I spent a year at that company and then found a franchise of the same store that needed an assistant and it was really close to me so I went after it. I got it.  But after working there for two years I became tired of doing the general manager's job for her and wanted to move up.  They only had three stores and the one available was too far away.  This was a split franchise, they had two stores is one so I applied with the other store's corporate position.  They hired me within a week and gave me a huge raise in pay.  Then within two weeks they offered my own store.  I took it and never looked back.  I was so good at it, not trying to brag about myself, but I have a 17 page resume with recommendations and awards, lot of good it does me now.  Well I worked with that company which was a 24 hour store for 2 years and then had an offer from an old acquaintance for a 7am to 10pm store.  I had to take a pay cut but it was worth it to me.  With the other company I was making $40,000 a year plus bonus and they were pressuring me to become a district supervisor.  I wanted the position but at the same time I didn't because I was barely seeing my family then.  So I decided to take the job that would allow me more time with my family.  I took a $4000 a year paycut but that wasn't so bad. 

Well, as fate would have it, I was training my staff at an old store to open up a new store and fell and hurt myself bad.  I bruised my knee so bad that it turned black all around and I messed up two discs in my back.  Then I got tied up with workman's comp for over two years because I wasn't going to take their meaningless offers when I knew that this had messed me up bad.  I started to hurt all over.  I would be completely locked up by the time  I drove home and I would have to roll out of my car and limp around until I loosened up. 

I finally got the settlement that I wanted and then the jerk doctor that I was seeing released me to go back to work full time from 4 hours a day back to 10 with no restrictions.  At this time I was on a cane because my hips and back would hurt so bad.  So I had to quit. 

I hadn't heard of the word fibromyalgia at this point.  I was so depressed after losing my job that I stayed in the bed for 6 months.  I didn't care about anything.  I let my family down and I let myself down.  I had also lost my dad, which was very hard on the whole family. 

When I worked at the 24 hour store the company had relocated me and put me in a hotel until we got the house we bought remodeled.and then we moved into it.  After living there two months, around the time I changed jobs, the house burned.  Almost everything was destroyed.  I got some pictures, our bibles (the only books that made it through the fire without any damage) and our bedroom set.  Everything else was destroyed by fire, water or the firemen throwing it out the window.

So including the fall at work I went through three traumas in a short amount of time.

So after the 6 months I said enough of this and went into retail management. I finally got a good dr and he diagnosed the FM/CFS/ME.  I worked the job for a year and just could not handle the concrete floors.  I was sick all the time and I was in constant pain.  So I turned in my notice and I lost my good dr.

Then I went out and learned to drive a truck.  It also killed me with pain in my neck, shoulders, and back but I pushed myself to do it for three years. I had a great boss whose mother had FM so she was understanding.  I also had my hubby that I was training and that helped tremendously. But finally in March of '08 I just couldn't do it anymore and I found out that my boss was going in the whole trying to keep me a job so we both decided to end it.

So FM took away my life as I knew it.  I went from a strong person who knew exactly what she wanted to this broken shell of a person that I am now.  I went from being the lady with the sharp mind, the superstar, to not even being able to keep my house clean.  I went from a person who loved to cook to not being able to get supper together on time.  I went from loving horses and there not being a one that I wouldn't ride to not being able to ride because I have lost my balance and now it is too dangerous.

I lost all of that.

Here is what FM/CFS/ME has given to me.  It has given me so many online friends that I can't count.  It has given me compassion for others.  It has brought my family closer.  And the one thing that it will never take away from me no matter how bad it gets is my spirit.  I will never give up. Even though some people would think that I had already given up, they don't know me.  Getting out of bed and making it through a day where I can get on here and communicate with so many others just like me is a good day.  I will not give up.

That's my story.  I could have written a lot more but then we would have a book project instead of a writing contest.

SHELL